Luckily I had some time to think and process between doctor's appointments. I was very upset with my last post and just about ready to run off to a midwife. Luckily Dad let me vent on him when I poured my heart out and he listened very carefully and empathised. He really is the most amazing man on this planet!
Having my baby with a midwife at Genesis is an option that I don't feel is very feasible. It really is just too far away from home. There are other midwifes I suppose if I look hard enough in the area but to be honest I really don't feel the need to go to another hospital or get another care giver. Anyway, so when I had that sorted in my mind I decided that I would go to my next appointment armed with all sorts of questions and what if's and why not's. I also thought I needed to go armed with proper facts, not crap I read off websites, personal experiences and statistics from surveys conducted on other continents.
I found a research document done by a student at WITS university, and I am still getting through it - it is alot of reading and information. The more I thought about it, the more I narrowed my questions down that I had for the doctor, and the less defensive and self absorbed I felt. I just made one really big circle...and came back to what I wanted from word Go; should I go into labour prior to 40 weeks and all is healthy I would like to have a TOLAC, but am very happy with an elective cesarean booked at 40 weeks - on my due date. I have simply decided that the doctor will not convince me otherwise unless there really is a worrying complication or valid medical reason for having to do a cesarean sooner. And once again I feel happy, content and calm and am enjoying my pregnancy. I think about VBAC and all my options often but I also know what is best for my and my family and what everybody feels comfortable with. What are the odds really of me going into labour prior to 40 weeks anyway? I am not fighting for something that might very well not even happen or be worth the stress and reproaching feelings.
My next doctors appointment is on the 18th of December and I really am just looking forward to seeing my little man on the sonar screen again.
