The Upset

After my fetal anatomy scan and realising that I have a very healthy baby and pregnancy I have been feeling a bit upset about the discussion I had with my Dr at that time.  I really feel like I am not being given a choice between cesarean and VBAC and that is not sitting right with me.

I even went and vented on the VBAC support forum.

Here are the posts:

Re: VBAC SUPPORT 1 week ago

• Widget
• ( User )
• 

Hello everyone!

Kiewiet I really look forward to reading your stories when you have the time. In the mean time hope you are enjoying your beautiful new bundle of joy! 

Just an update from me; I am feeling rather vulnerable and upset after my last visit to my gynecologist.

We had the fetal anatomy scan & everything is perfect. I have a very healthy pregnancy, thick uterine wall, placenta is well out of the way. Baby boy is 500 grams already!  

So we sit down again after the sonar and doctor asks me if I have decided on a birth date for baby yet?  And I just blink at him in surprise. So he goes ahead to say that well, I will be having a cesarean again this time and we usually do it 10 days before due date....I couldn't believe what I was hearing and my heart just sank. It was like we never even had the discussion about TOLAC two months ago!

I told him that I strongly feel that the baby needs to stay inside until his due date and he agreed to only schedule cesarean for the 26th of March next year, which is right on my due date.

When I asked him again then about trying for natural should I go into labour before my due date he was definitely not for it at all!  And what's worse is he now scared my husband into believing the absolute safest and best way to deliver is by repeat cesarean.  When we got home my husband said to me he was under the impression that we had agreed and decided on having a cesarean and he just straight out told me "no more natural birth". I understand his concern and I need to respect his feelings as well, so I don't know how I am going to convince him otherwise.

To be very honest now I don't trust my doctor anymore. I asked him if I need to book the cesarean with his secretary and he said not to worry he sorts that out with the maternity ward....I don't know so much about that. Come 38 weeks he is going to find some reason to convince me to have the cesarean earlier.

So this morning I e-mailed midwife Hennie from Growth spurts again asking to book an appointment because I need to talk to someone about the facts and someone who can be very honest with me about my chances of actually achieving VBAC without any damage to me or baby.  I feel like I could just burst into tears. I was so happy and confident the last two months and now I feel like my gynea are just like the majority of others - promoting c-section! He is a surgeon trained in child birth, why did I not see the warning signs before? 

Things that he said before like: "80% of women who try for VBAC end up having a repeat cesarean again" - that's probably in his hospital because I know this fact not to be true! But I didn't argue, I just sat and nodded my head. "You're baby will be big and you're a small mommy, now you want to try and push him out." "When you get closer to your due date you might want the baby to be born earlier because you'll be tired and uncomfortable so you could ask to have the cesarean sooner." 

I just really need some emotional support, because I know in my heart that I need to give natural birth a fair chance again and I will always be sorry if I don't! I cannot talk to anybody who understands, no one in my family and not even my husband.  It is just this unheard of dangerous thing that I want to attempt in their heads & I am being selfish for wanting to put myself and my baby and the rest of my family at risk. But doesn't normal childbirth in itself do just that?? Someone once said that a women is never as close to death as when she gives birth to a child! Just because I have had a cesarean before I now have to wear this label, where has people would not even have thought twice about it if this was my second natural birth.

Re: VBAC SUPPORT 6 days, 2 hours ago

• Widget
• ( User )
• 
• Thank you for all the support everyone.
  
  Zee welcome!  Hope you find answers here to your questions, but only you will know what is right for you and your family, as long as you make an informed decision. In hindsight I blindly trusted my doctor with my first baby, which is why I think I struggle so much to come to terms with my c-section, because I now know things could have been so very different...
  
  Futhermore, I had good talk with Dad last night explaining how I feel and what upsets me and how I feel I am now being forced into a decision that I am not comfortable with. He suggested I phone the doctor to see if I can go talk to him about all my concerns as well as get someone else to talk to for a second opinion.
  
  I contacted Henny from Growth-spurt but she can only consult in the the mornings and I cannot take time off from work in the mornings since I only work half day. We are simply too busy this time of the year. She is also too far away. I had a look at where Genesis is to see if any of the midwifes consult from there, but Genesis is also too far away. 
  
  I phoned the doctors office and he couldn't see me before my next appointment which is on the 18th of December, but the receptionist assured me that I must not worry about time with this appointment and I can talk to him for as long as I want and ask all my questions. 
  
  Does anyone know of another gyneacologist in the Sunninghill area that I can consult for a second opinion? 
  
  Interresting though, someone mentioned that they were with Peter Koll and referred to him as being very pro-natural. I know of 5 people (all friends and family) that are with Dr Koll and everyone says he is a very good gynea but renowned for c-sections and he told my sister in law that VBAC is too dangerous. When she rushed into the hospital with her second child after having gone into labour spontaneously she was already 4cm's dilated and progressing quickly. Her husband hardly had time to make it to the hospital, the doctor just said that we are having a c-section right now. I thought she was the perfect candidate for VBAC....but again every labour and situation is different and I never know if you really know the full story.

The Elective Cesarean Date

We went for the fetal anatomy scan on Friday.  I was, according to my calculated due date, 21 weeks and 3 days the day of the sonar.  I am not so sure if this is 100% correct.  I keep having the feeling that I am further along already, but luckily the doctor is sticking to the due date being the 26th of March.  The baby is already 500grams, with long arms and legs.  We could see the little face so clearly even though it was only a 2D sonar and it just made me fall in love with this new little member of our family so much more!  I cannot wait to see him for the first time, and hold him.  I think that I will have a lot of hard work and little sleep ahead of me, but for now I just want to stay blissfully ignorant of what is to come and savor this wonderful feeling of excitement.

After the scan the doctor asked me if I had decided on baby's birthday yet, and I blinked at him in confusion.  Then he continued to say that I will be having a cesarean this time and we normally book a cesarean 10 days before due date....it was like we never even had a conversation about this two months ago.  Fair enough the doctor cannot remember everything about all his patients but I thought he would have made a note of what we had discussed.  Did he not take me seriously.  Anyway, I was adamant that baby should stay in until 40 weeks and luckily Dad backs me 100%.  I then, again, asked the question about trying for vaginal birth should I go into labour naturally before this decided date.  This time he sounded like he did not support it at all and completely advised against it.  Dad was also a bit blind-sited and very suprised at my question as he thought that we had decided and agreed that cesarean was safer!  What on earth?  Am I living in my own little world here?  I wasn't upset with anyone or anything, I just felt a little put out that now, should I do into labour I will definitely have a cesarean anyway.  Look for some reason I don't think the chances of that happening before 40 weeks is very good but still, it is now a change of mind set for me now again, and one that I am not sure that I am comfortable or happy with.  

I asked the Dr if I need to book the cesarean date with his secretary and he said not to worry he will sort that out with the maternity ward, and sort of brushed it off. Which is suspicious to me because last time I had to arrange for the induction a week prior with his secretary.  She then phoned the maternity ward and booked.  Perhaps elective cesareans work differently.  Will he try and convince me otherwise closer to date to have the cesarean earlier?  Al of a sudden I am feeling very unsure of my gynea.  We have so much going on a the moment and I have had my fare share of stress so far so I really now don't want to worry about this now also.  Come a year after baby is born I really don't want to wish like I had done things differently, I want to be completely at peace with how things happened and fell into place.

You know what, I  am only 22 weeks along now, I still have lots of time, and right now I have got a good care giver that can take care of me and baby now.

The Halfway Mark

I am halfway with my pregnancy now, and we found out that we are having a boy this time! :-)  We are of course very happy with that - one of each - and I am so excited about having this baby that I almost want to start packing my hospital bag already!

With regards to VBAC, I continue thinking about it, following and contributing to the forum that I have mentioned before, even though I do not agree with a lot of things that these uninformed women believe and come up with.  Some are are having successful VBAC's, others are having to book elective cesareans, oh you know, whatever works out for that person's pregnancy.  There are no guarantees, that I learnt very quickly.  I am definitely not as obsessed about this as I was when I just found out that I was pregnant 15 weeks ago.

I do however still feel very strongly about the fact that this baby needs to stay inside until 40 weeks.  I just really hope that my gynecologist allows this.  I realised that I don't really have Dad's full support for VBAC, which was actually not that much of a surprise.  He is very skeptical about it, which I completely understand. Point is that if my gynecologist insists that I have an elective cesarean before 40 weeks for whatever reason, I don't know if I will have it in me to argue, especially if Dad is on the Dr's side as well.  I know he just wants me - most importantly - and then the baby to be safe.  Which is exactly what I want too.  Basically if this little one decides to come on his own before the 26th of March 2013 I would like to try and have a normal birth, but with careful medical supervision.  Anything after that I would like to book a cesarean.  I am not playing the waiting game again just to have a cesarean.  Plus it becomes more dangerous, statistically, after 40 weeks gestation.  I do know for sure that I don't want to force anything that is not going to happen on it's own.  I don't need to traumatise every one involved.

I also only have 4 month's maternity leave this time as well as whatever part of March is left when the baby comes.  That is why, all going well, I want to work literaly until the day before I have the baby.  Another reason why I don't want to go overdue - that will make the time in March that I have with my new little on so much shorter every day that I wait.  That said though, I really don't think that the Dr will allow any waiting.  We haven't discussed anything further with regards to VBAC and going to 40 weeks, but I don't feel the need to.  I don't want to obsessively and continuously talk about it, there are too many unknowns.  It will come up again when it has to closer to date.  Perhaps this time baby might be breech or some other complication could arise and decide for us what the safest way of delivery is...you never know.