The Comparison Between VBAC & RCS

I discovered the following list that I drew up while I was still reading through all the information the midwife sent me and seriously considering VBAC as one of my only options:

VBAC
PROS	CONS
Recovery is much quicker	Chance of epesiotomy/ tearing that will have to heal anyway
No major scar to heal	No guarantee it will be successful & could end up with a repeat EC with possible adverse effects
Pick up Isabella	Bigger risk of death of baby
Go home quicker	Unfamiliar surroundings & further from home than hospital
Less risk for future pregnancies	Chances of VBAC not very high
Less risk of baby coming out before ready (lung maturity)	No NICU care at Genesis should it be necessary

RCS
PROS	CONS
Will have Dr O'H as primary caregiver	Risks associated with surgery & anethesia
Hospital is much closer to home	Not being able to stand up straight away and care for baby
Birth can be planned better to some extent - care for Isabella	Longer recovery
Knowing to some degree what to expect this time
Less risk for baby
Hospital has NICU & facilities to deal with infant care
Extended rest time in hospital and with new baby

The Friend Who Recently Had a Baby

I went to go visit my friend yesterday who had her baby just over three weeks ago.  The most beautiful little boy that I have ever seen.  Really he is just so perfect.

She gave birth to him vaginally. Her doctor feared that the baby was getting too big and suggested that they induce the day before her due date, otherwise they would do a cesarean.  She went in on Monday morning, got induced, laboured for three hours until she got to 4cm's dilated, had an epidural, and two hours later she pushed out a healthy 3.4kg boy.  She had minimal tearing.

Two work friends of hers also came by while I was there, with their little ones in tow.  So we started talking about everyone's birth experiences, mostly because I asked.  One women has a 5 month old girl that was born via elective cesarean that turned emergency cesarean & the other women had a cesarean 10 days before her due date because her boy was getting too big.  He was 4.7kg when he came out.  Wow!

The women that wanted an elective cesarean was scheduled at 39 weeks.  She went in on the Wednesday before the scheduled date (the Friday) and the doctor saw that she had absolutely no amniotic fluid left, so baby had to come out right then.  She said that she was a little upset because the doctor had seen her two weeks prior and said she only needed to see her then again (which was two weeks later).  Next time she would insist that she go for weekly checks at the end.  She said her birth experience was great and she has no regrets, she never wanted natural labour.  She was able to breastfeed beautifully & she said she expressed so much milk she still has some in her freezer.  She stopped breastfeeding at 4 months when baby went to chréche and took a pill to dry up her milk.  She said it was three days of agony whilst waiting for her milk to dry up.  Her baby suffered from re-flux in the first 6 weeks and cried a lot but is good as gold now.

The other mom didn't really say too much, just what I had mentioned earlier.  She is in her late 30's already and quite a big and tall women.  She mentioned that in her family all the babies are 4kg babies.  She is from Dutch decent and she herself was a home birth in Holland.  She mentioned that, I'm not sure if it's an Aunt or someone else in her family, pushed out her 4kg + baby & it completely ruined her body because she was a smaller women. She apparently applauded her for having a cesarean & not trying natural like she was forced into. She mentioned it is very common practice in Holland to give birth at home with a midwife & the infant mortality rates as well as the rate of retarded and brain damaged babies are soaring.

I must mention that her little guy is such a good boy.  He is 11 months old and he sat there on the carpet playing and did not make a sound.  When you talk to him me smiles at you and carries on.  She said he just doesn't cry ever & is such a calm baby.  She didn't mention much about breastfeeding but I thought I heard her say that she wished that she could have breastfed because she wanted to.  She would sit and try and express for half an hour and get 10ml out, so it sounds like she gave it a good go...but I'm not sure.

My friend stopped breastfeeding at around 3 weeks.  She didn't have enough milk at the beginning and after 10 days he was still only weighing 3kg (remember he was 3.4kg at birth but babies always lose a percentage of their weight in the few days after birth).  She started topping him up with formula & tried everything to increase her milk supply; expressing, tablets, some herbal thing I think she called Jungle Juice, feeding him more often, but nothing.  She said she really wanted to breastfeed him for as long as she could.  He has colic & was battling with constipation from after he passed his meconium, which was strange because at that stage he was only getting breast milk.   

I don't think I ever mentioned about me breastfeeding. I breastfed wonderfully up to 4 months.  Battled a bit, okay a lot, with latching & cracked nipples in the beginning but I got advise, read up and persevered.  At 4 months I wasn't producing enough milk for her needs anymore, even though I was at times feeding every hour, so I started topping up with formula (after talking to her pediatrician) & started solids.  My milk dried up completely within a couple of days.  I missed it and did want to breastfeed longer but on the other hand I was completely fine with not having milk anymore & being able to bottle feed her now.  This meant Dad could start doing feeds as well, because I was never able to express enough for him to do night feeds.  He really enjoyed it and still does the last bottle feed before he puts her down for the night.

Okay so, four different women in one room and four completely different experiences.  All very healthy and happy babies, except for my friend, who seems a little despondent about her boy's colic at the moment but we all assured her it does pass even though it feels like it will never end now.  Why I mention the breastfeeding is that this to me just proves once again that going through labour & having vaginal brith means absolutely nothing and has no relevance to how you will breastfeed & weather or not you will have a colic baby.

Another friend of mine, the one with the ADD theory, gave birth vaginally with the help of a midwife and Oxycontin after going into spontaneous labour at 39 weeks.  After 13 hours her 2.2kg baby girl was out.  She said she had lots of colostrum & a lot of milk, expressed lots, fed beautifully with the aid of nipple caps & at 5 months she told me her milk just dried up completely.  She does not have a drop left she tells me sadly.  At 4 months she wasn't producing enough for her baby's needs and started her on solids - the créche she started her at told her that she's hungry during the day & needs more food.  Now she has formula only & solid foods.  I remember her bragging about how she would exclusively breastfeed for 6 months and be able to do so because she had natural labour.  I won't remind her of this, that would be ugly.

Once again I conclude it does not make a difference in the large spectrum of things how your baby comes into this world; whether you push it out through your vagina, choose to have a cesarean or end up with an emergency cesarean or a planned cesarean despite the fact that you actually wanted natural birth, your baby will still be the same baby.  It is your unique body and the way it functions can never be predicted, your capabilities and instincts as a mother as well as the nature of your baby that counts.  Women seem to forget that genetics have  a lot more to do with reproduction than how you birth your baby.

My baby slept through at 8 weeks (from 6pm to 5am, no jokes!) and now sleeps from 7pm to 7am and 8am on weekends sometimes.  Everyone with kids tells us how jealous they are of us.  My ADD theory friend still gets up twice a night for her baby (who is almost 6 months) & battles to get her to sleep. I thought baby's pushed through your vagina are suppose to be little perfect angels.  Their not, they're babies, just like everyone else's.

The Information Overload

My head is going to explode!

For the past two weeks, every opportunity I get at work I google VBAC, C-section, Repeat C-section....forums, articles, research....

There are so many stories & so much information out there.  I've also come to quite enjoy Dr Amy's blog http://www.skepticalob.com/

I have come to the realisation to TOLAC or not to TOLAC is a very personal decision.  A lot of women out there, it seems to me, are looking for other women in exactly the same situation as them, with the same circumstances, want to know what they decided and how it turned out.  Unfortunately a lot of Forums are one-sided and incomplete and you never get to know how things turned out.  Even the VBAC support thread I am still following on moomies.co.za; I have asked two women who previously posted on the thread, for their stories whatever it my be, with no response.  I can only assume they do not check the forum anymore or do not get the correspondence.

So here is my decision.  I am very much at peace with having a repeat elective cesarean and was almost tempted today to cancel my midwife appointment.  I still think, however, that it is a good idea to talk to her and get yet another point of view.  The biggest reason for me for going with this decision this is I am not really prepared to accept the risks associated with VBAC and the complications that could or could not occur.  There is no guarantee that I will go into labour & I might very well end up with a repeat emergency cesarean which I fear will be even more traumatic.  There are too many 'if's' and 'but's' and variables for my analytic nature.

I am very fond of my gynea and I trust him completely.  Netcare Sunninghill Hospital where I birthed my first little one at is a fantastic and a very well equipped and staffed hospital.  I like the comforting feeling that that familiarity gives me.  Another reason is I know that this is what Dad feels the most comfortable with as well.  This is not only my child but his as well and therefore not only my decision.  I always joke and say that I only have 50% shares in what is growing in my uterus.  I love him dearly and I would hate to put him through any kind of trauma.

I am still so early in my pregnancy - 10 weeks this week - and a lot can happen still, but in my heart I know that this is the right decision for me and for everyone in my family, not for anyone else who might read this, or might feel they are is a similar situation or have similar circumstances.

The Doula That Gave Birth

I was having a look around on other Forums on moomies.co.za and came across 'Birth Stories in the Making' with a thread 'Anina is in Labour!'  I figured out that Anina is the doula who answered my last question on the VBAC support forum.  This is a Forum on which you can tell your birth stories.  You can post from when you go into labour to when the baby is out and after & post pictures and everything.  I read Anina's thread with interest.

Somewhere in the middle of the thread they posted to say that they broke her waters & there was meconium in the amniotic fluid & that baby was in distress.  I always thought this was a real worry because if the baby swallowed this there is big problems & it means that baby is stressing so much that it's tummy started going!  They just later posted baby is no longer in distress.  Huh?  I don't know enough about how and when the call for an emergency is made.

This is the last bit that she posted after giving birth & while telling her birth story:

This is where things started going a bit pear shaped, I dilated fully and docter came to deliver baby. He is great and all for natural, don't get me wrong, but he believes in purple pushing.

So my way was not working to great and I was starting to feel nervous as I could see he wasn't to pleased with my breathing thing. The next thing I knew, I decided to push and with 3 or 4 pushes, baby was out. But giving up my hypnobirthing breathing made me unsure of myself and that made it impossible to not feel pain, so yes, the last 10 mins did hurt. I tore a bit, but its not as bad as with my first son. 

So at 10:40 am my little girl was born the way (almost) that nature intended it to be. I was a bit disappointed about the pushing at the end, but all in all, it was a great experience. 

Interesting that even though she had a labour and birth as natural as they come she still uses the word disappointed.  I don't know what "born the way (almost) that nature intended it to be" even means.
Seems that perhaps some women will always find fault no matter what birth experience they have & will always have wanted it different somehow.  Perhaps it is more about feeling in control and having a sense of empowerment more than it is about the actual birth.  This is just a theory.

The Pediatrician

Took Bella for her one year check up today with Dr Nunes.  Not only was she the pediatrician on call the day Bella was born but she is also one of dad's very good friend's sister.

All is perfectly well with Bella, she is growing beautifully, above average tall like her dad :-) and her weight has caught up nicely now and is also in the 95th percentile.

I told her we are expecting our second now and wanted to know if, in her experience, does having natural or planned cesarean have any effect on the baby's health and development.  She told me that there are a lot of theories but none can be proven.  There is no proof that planned cesarean does has any negative effects long or short-term.  I asked her about ADD and told her my friend has this theory that ADD is linked to cesarean birth and she told me that is absolutely not true.  ADD is genetic, and if there is a family history of ADD the chances are baby may get it, but it has nothing to do with the way that baby is birthed.

Elective cesareans for personal reasons aside, cesareans are a life-saving intervention.

She did say that what does happen, that she has seen happen to about 6% of early elective cesareans,  is that dates are miscalculated & when an elective cesarean is done at 38 weeks, baby is actually not ready, and is born when their lungs are not mature enough.  She calls it 'wet lungs' and then baby has to stay in NICU for 5 days.  So if you can try and rather go closer to 39 weeks or see how long your Gynea/ OB will allow you to carry before having an elective cesarean, it will be more ideal.  

I asked her about VBAC & she said she is not a fan but it is a personal matter.  If something should go wrong both mom and baby are in big trouble.  She suggested not doing a VBAC at a place like Genesis clinic, that has no NICU or facilities or staff to deal with such emergencies.  You end up getting transferred to a close-by hospital.  If your Gynea/ OB is willing, you do it under his nose in a properly equipped hospital facility where, if something does look like it might go wrong, the doctor is right there and can intervene immediately.  She did also state that generally they do do more cesareans there days due to litigation but she did not elaborate, and I also didn't ask.

The Evil Gyneas

Only two people requested the research documents from me.  And they were guests to the forum, not people who post to the thread.  Interesting that neither the midwife nor the doula, excuse me, professional birth supporter, requested to see these...I suppose they must know all about it then.

One girl who asked me for the research document in a private message told me that she is only 5 weeks but looking at her options.  She told me a good friend of hers refused medical intervention whilst in labour and the baby was very distressed when she finally came out and had also swallowed amniotic fluid.  She was admitted to NICU with pneumonia and had to stay in hospital for I'm not sure how long.  

No one has posted on the thread since.  This thread is 5 pages long and just all of a sudden it stopped.  I'm not saying I have anything to do with it but it just makes me think.  When people were telling how terribly evil their gyneas were and how unhappy they feel about their birth and the fact that they couldn't have this 'beautiful Hollywood birth' they imagined having, everyone was pitching in.  Why is everyone so suspicious of their care givers - all gynecologists are being accused of looking for excuses to cut and wanting to book you for convenience.  Everyone feels that they are being fed untruths by their gyneas and that somehow the gynea decided for them how their birth will happen.  Perhaps women feel robbed somehow and are looking to find blame. Are they happy that their baby's are born healthy & happy?

Now that there is a question about whether or not they are considering anybody other than themselves here, no one has anything to say.

I've got a lot to think about.  This is not just me or my baby, this affects Isabella & Dad as well as the rest of the family too...

The Forummmm....

I picked up quickly that this discussion board was driven by a midwife and a doula who think there is absolutely nothing positive about cesarean, its much better to risk VBAC and that you are not woman if you do not at least try to push out your baby through your vagina.  Anyway, so that got me thinking about how objective this support really is...anyway, I am still following the tread.

I posted the following question on the forum:

I've been having a bad day today  &  

Has anyone here ever felt, even just fleetingly, that their putting their unborn child at an unnecessary risk by attempting VBAC? Repeat c-sections also have risks as do first natural births and c-sections (elective & emergency), but less so than VBAC. 

My midwife sent me a 23 page document on VBAC research just showing the facts. It is in no way disturbing or discouraging. Send me a private message with your e-mail and I will forward it to anyone who is interested.

This is the answer I got from the doula (she calls herself a professional birth supporter):

Widget, there are more risks to repeat c-sec than to VBAC. So you are making the best move. Here is a quick pic that shows some of the risks. Bring on the fears you have and lets discuss them on here, it might help a lot of people.

The E-mail to Dad

E-mail I sent to Dad after we had a lengthy discussion:

I just thought I would send you a few facts that stood out most to me.  I suppose it’s all relevant & you can compare it to first natural births etc, but let’s just look at these facts as is.  I’m sure we will both agree about what is the best decision for all four of us. Are we happy with this?

1.      The records indicated that one hundred and eighteen out of two hundred and one (118; 58.7%) women were successful in their attempt to have a VBAC. The study results show that 83 records (41.3%) of women reflected an unsuccessful attempt to have a VBAC and thus their neonates were birthed by repeat caesarean section.

2.      Risks for a TOLAC (trial of labour after ceasar), compared to an elective caesarean include an urgent repeat caesarean section and a risk of uterine rupture of 22 to 74 per 10 000 births. Uterine rupture is a very rare complication, but can result in an increased incidence of blood transfusion, hysterectomy, admission to intensive care unit (ICU) and death of the mother.

3.      For baby, the risks associated with a TOLAC include the death of the baby. The incidence of this loss is rare (about 10 per 10 000 which is the same as the risk for women in their first pregnancy), but this risk is increased compared with a planned repeat caesarean (about 1 per 10 000). When uterine rupture occurs the death rate of baby is approximately 50%.

4.      Risk factors that increase the risk of an unsuccessful VBAC are: no previous vaginal birth; body mass index greater than 30; previous caesarean section for abnormal progress of labour; previous preterm caesarean birth; less than 24 months from previous caesarean birth; maternal age of 35 years and older; non-white ethnicity; short stature; birth at or after 41 weeks of gestation; baby’s birthweight greater than 4.0kg; induced labour; dilatation of cervix on admission less than 4 cm; and a male baby.

5.      An elective caesarean has the lowest rate of poor short-term outcomes for mother and baby; a VBAC has the best long-term outcomes; and a failed trial of labour has the highest incidence of negative short- and long-term consequences.

6.      The risk for uterine rupture in an elective caesarean section is about 1 per 10 000 caesareans. Admission to the neonatal ICU for short-term care is increased in caesarean sections. 

The Fight about the little bit of obsessiveness

Dad told me that one of his client's wife 'did the whole Genesis thing' and ended up with an emergency c-section after 13 hours of labour.  I immediately got very defensive and said what is that suppose to mean & why is he telling me this.  He said that he just feels that all of a sudden this place is now the next best thing & he doesn't know if it really is the best and safest thing to do.

I got very angry & told him that this will absolutely go my way & I was very upset & said I felt that he doesn't support my feelings and decision (which I know is not true), yada yada yada.  I was carrying on a bit like only I can.

After a moment on my own and cooling down I realised that this was my red flag.  After all the facts I had read and the feeling in my gut I knew that this probably wasn't the safest thing to do but I just didn't want to see it.  I normally get defensive like this when I am making and impulsive & emotional decision.  It never turns out to be the right decision.

The Little bit of Obessesiveness

I read through all the information that the midwife sent me word for word.

It is all I can think about.  Having a VBAC & how am I going to get my body to obediently go into labour and let me have this baby 'naturally'.

I've made a summary of what visits I will see the midwife, what visits I will see my current gynea and what visit I will go and see the back up gynea at Genesis in case I do need a emergency cesarean again.

I wrote a little page on My Personal Motivation for TOLAC in case the midwife questions my motives.  I came up with three things:

The healing is quicker, I can go home sooner & I can pick up my little girl without being in pain.

I made a list of questions for the midwife:

Will you do a stretch and sweep?
Will you allow me to go beyond 40 weeks & can I then go for reflexology & acupuncture to try and induce labour naturally?
What if my body really is too small to deliver vaginally & my body just will not go into labour?
In your experience, do the babies generally come out okay or is the risk increased for them to have to be admitted to NICU?
Do you monitor the fetal heart rate all the time & will you pick up very quickly when something is wrong?
What do I need to put in my birth plan?

The VBAC Band Wagon

One of my posts: 

Kiewiet, wow well done! It is so inspiring to see all of you so motivated for your vbac. 

I didn't realise having a natural birth takes so much planning! I also got loads of information sent to me from my midwive RE VBAC & natural birth in the mean time before I meet with her. I honestly thought that because my two pregnancies are so close together that I will not be allowed vbac but as it turns out it may just lower my chances of a successful vbac. 

About the Raspberry leaf Tablets or tea, she says it is advisable to start it from 37 weeks. It makes your uterus more responsive to oxytocin, thus should speed up your labour. Drinks 2 tablets three times a day or 3 cups of tea a day. 

She also suggested using Evening Primrose Oil from the start of the 37th week. It softens the cervix in preparation of labour. 

Did anyone try reflexology to naturally induce labour?

I am stressing about going into labour spontaneously.  If my body didn't do it the first time, is it going to be able to this time round?

I got all very positive feedback from other members in the forum.  I feel great that others can share my worries and feelings.

The Googling

I have been googling story after story of successful as well as unsuccessful VBAC attempts..some beautiful and inspiring, others horrifying.  One woman stated she had a successful VBAC but her baby went without oxygen for some time during the birth that it is now brain damaged.  Successful??!!  More women commented on the thread telling their stories of uterine rupture with disastrous outcomes.  I really feel for these woman and the babies.

I get the idea the success of VBAC has a lot to do with the reason for your first cesarean section.

The Midwifery

I started doing some research regarding birth options after emergency cesarean - VBAC.

I contacted a Midwife from Growth Spurts Midwifery and made an appointment with her for the 9th of October when I am 16 weeks pregnant.  Her admin lady sent me a whole lot of information regarding TOLAC (trial of labour after cesarean) & VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) as well as all other midwife care related stuff.  It is a lot of information but worth the read, I want to gather as much information as possible so I can make an informed decision.

I joined a Forum on Moomies.co.za lending support to those who wish to attempt VBAC.  I jumped right on the band wagon feeling inspired by all these women who also had their first babies delivered by emergency c-section and was left feeling disappointed.  I just know this is the right thing for me!  I have to do this for me!

The Birth Of Lo

I was due on Monday 15 August 2012, but our little girl was just to comfortable in mommy's tummy... I bounced around on my birthing ball, went for a walk with the dog every day, went out for a curry, had sex a good couple of times, but no signs of labour.

My induction was to be booked on the following Monday, the 22nd of August but since that was my birthday doctor said that we could do the induction on Friday the 19th instead at 4am.  I was glad that I knew for certain now that by Friday I would be holding my little baby in my arms.

We checked into the hospital at 10pm the Thursday night, filled in all the paperwork & I was booked into a normal room.  We had requested a private room but there were none available at the time.  The nurse hooked me up onto a Doppler monitor and took my blood pressure.  She asked me if I had always had high blood pressure during my pregnancy.  This was very strange because my blood pressure had always been perfect from day one.  She listened to baby's heartbeat and picked up a strange beat on it, almost as if the baby's heart was skipping a beat or faltering a bit every now and then.  Dad & I could also hear it clearly.  Nurse wasn't happy and said she was just going to phone Dr H to see if he still wanted them to go ahead with the induction.  She came back and said Dr confirmed that it was okay.  Dad kissed me goodbye & promised to be back first thing in the morning.  They gave me sleeping pill as I was stressed and excited & they said I needed to be well rested for the next day.

At 4am I felt very groggy when they came in to do the induction, the nurse did an internal ( I later heard her say my cervix is soft but posterior), and proceeded to insert he gel.  Almost immediately I could feel contractions starting.  Dad was there at 5am.  One of the other gynecologists that checked in on the patient I was sharing a room with came and checked on me and commented on how great my contractions were.  Baby's heart rate was happy and healthy.  Shortly after a nurse came and administered and enema which was not half as bad as I was expecting.  They brought me breakfast around 6am I think, I don't even remember what I ate but after 30 minutes I threw everything up anyway.

We managed to get a private room then and I moved to my relief.  I was allowed to walk around freely and hop around on my birthing ball.  After several hours, probably just before 11AM I was taken through to the labour ward.  A nurse did an internal again and said my cervix was moving forward but I was not dilating.  They did a second lot of gel and I could feel my contractions were very strong now.  I was in a lot of pain & when asked if I would consider having an epidural I said yes, I think they just wanted to give the anesthetist a heads-up so long as it was way too early progress wise.  After about an 45 minutes the nurse noticed that there were deceleration showing on the baby monitor...and went to call the doctor.  He came in and did an internal and showed me how much I was dilated - the width of his ring finger.  He said he was sorry but that we would need to do an emergency cesarean.  I was very disappointed and asked him if there was nothing we could do?  He said if I had dilated he could have at least tried to pull baby out but unfortunately this was the only option or we could carry on this way and very well lose baby.  Nope, I definitely didn't want that.  I consented to having a cesarean.  Immediately I was put on a drip to stop the contractions and I was given oxygen.  All this time Dad was holding my hand and I was crying.  This was all too much for me now & I couldn't hold it together.

They pushed me into the theater and asked Dad to go and 'scrub up'. In the meantime the anesthetist started inserting the spinal block - which I remember was incredibly sore! Dad came in just as he was finishing up, I looked up at him with his silly blue scrubs and silly blue net on his head and told him he looked ridiculous.  I was quite upset.  I was told to lie down quickly on the operating table.  The staff - nurses, anethetist, my gynea, were incredible and supportive, checking that I was okay all the time.

I felt a lot of tugging and pushing at my tummy but I felt no pain. The one assistant doctor (I think?) asked if I would like to see when baby came out.  I was very reluctant, I really didn't want to look up and see myself cut open.  She said it was nothing to worry about, she would tell me when baby came out.  One nurse pushed down very hard on my abdomen and doctor pulled baby's head out.  They told me to look and the anesthetist helped my head up so I could see her come out and it was so surreal!  Now I was crying with joy and not fear and disappointment anymore.  Doctor showed her to  me and I asked "Why isn't she crying?" and someone said, either the doctor or anesthetist, that she doesn't have to cry.  It was 12:10PM. They took her probably about 5 steps away and I kept looking to try and see her and she started screaming!  :-) What a healthy set of lungs.  Dad was standing with her all the time & cut the umbilical cord.  The pediatrician checked her, weighed her, and then immediately came and put her on my chest.  She was not away from me for more than I would guess 2 - 5 minutes.  I stared at her in awe.  They stitched me up - I still remember on of the girls saying "Look at how flat your tummy is!" - and transferred me to another bed so they could wheel me out.

One of the nurses took a family picture of the three of us there in the theater.  They opened up my gown and unwrapped her and put her naked on my chest and she immediately latched and started breastfeeding.  As we were wheeled out of the labour ward the first person to see us was Dad's Mom.  No one else was there yet.  She teared up and I teared up and it was just amazing...but they were trying to get me to the maternity ward quite quickly and before we disappeared through the doors she aksed "What is her name?"  Dad looked at her and it was such a special moment and said "Isabella".  The doors closed.  I don't think I had ever ever seen Dad glowing like he did that day.

The Thought of Giving Birth

Okay so now everything is confirmed & definite.  Now I start thinking about actually having the baby - as in the actual act of giving birth and I feel almost this compulsive need to pursue my dream of birthing this baby naturally.    

I discuss this with Dad while we are driving and he is supportive although a little apprehensive, especially because the gynea said from the very beginning I will have to have a cesarean with our next child now also & that natural birth will be too dangerous.  The nurse that did our antenatal classes before we had Lo was also very adamant about 'not even going there'.

So I decide to make an appointment with a midwife at Genesis - an active birthing clinic - to discuss this option.  All I want to do is make an informed decision.

The peanut

Dr H showed me our peanut today!

It was a little blob measuring 0.5mm with a heartbeat of average 129 bmp. It was surreal!

I am ecstatic & already in love :-)

My due date is 26 March 2013.